Emotional Intelligence

Understanding ourselves and others

The basis for dealing with any issue which concerns people is emotional intelligence. Whether external or internal (i.e. within ourselves), all interactions rely on the extraordinary human abilities which make up this unique type of intelligence. This has a different quality from logical or rational discourse, and requires a different kind of understanding and approach altogether.

Emotional Intelligence defined

Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is our ‘capacity for recognising our own feelings and those of others, for motivating ourselves, and for managing emotions well in ourselves and in our relationships’ (Daniel Goleman in Emotional Intelligence). Success requires more than IQ, which has tended to be the traditional measure of intelli­gence, ignoring essential behavioural and character elements.

Relevance Today

Emotional intelligence is increasingly relevant to personal and organisational development because the principles of EQ provide a new way to understand and assess people’s behaviour, management styles, attitudes, interpersonal skills, and potential.

Emotional intelligence is an important consideration in:

• Human resource planning
• Job profiling
• Recruitment and selection
• Organisational change
• Customer relations
• Customer service
• Team support

Emotional Intelligence for Ourselves

If we pay attention to our underlying thoughts and feelings, it is likely we are often puzzled by our own reactions to what happens to us, or baffled by the reactions of our colleagues, friends or family. Again, we may struggle to motivate ourselves, finding ourselves endlessly battling with hurdles and obstacles. Or we know that remaining positive, blame-free and nonjudgmental is useful, but find this difficult to apply in practice. In other words — our minds have a mind of their own; and our hearts simply lose their minds!

Being able to deal with what affects us, and to respond in positive, happy and motivated ways, means navigating the emotional patterns which forge our characters. Luckily, our most human failings carry the seed of the more-than-human skills we innately own. We all have the power to move beyond limitations and known difficulties, and to bring new, liberating understanding and awareness to what happens within and around us.

Emotional Intelligence for Others

In professional life, it is no longer enough to be excellent in our field. Whether we are in a leader­ship position, or dealing with the public, people now expect a high degree of emotional aware­ness, understanding and empathy and resonance with their own feelings and values.

In more complex situations, active listening or empathic communication is not enough in itself. We also need to respond from a base of emotional intelligence which may go beyond our own life experience.

Course Aims

• To understand what emotional intelligence is
• To recognise and apply emotional intelligence in oneself
• To develop skill and subtlety for responding with emotional intelligence to others

Learning Outcomes

• Understand your own emotions
• Understand emotions of others
• Connect with others more fully, genuinely and warmly
• Become better trusted, respected and liked by others
• Develop clear, clean thinking
• Improve interactions with others
• Change your moods
• Understand how to best motivate yourself
• Find challenging emotions easier to handle
• Integrate body and emotions
• Find freer flowing physical and emotional energy
• Sustain painful physical symptoms with an emotionally buoyant attitude

More about Emotional Intelligence and Focusing

To develop emotional intelligence, we draw on insights and perspectives from Focusing. We learn where the emotions come from and what they tell us. We are able to recognise and welcome emotions as friends, and helpful messengers that point to our deeper underlying motivations. Knowing what our emotional urges are telling us is a key part of EQ.

We learn that painful or difficult experiences belong to parts of us which have become split off, ostracised or sent into exile. These parts behave rather like human beings when they are ignored, pushed aside, undermined, criticised or challenged. In other words, they become hard to manage, vociferous, unpredictable, sulky, defensive, critical, painful and so on. They take on an energy of their own which may seem to sabotage our best intentions, or to overwhelm us with difficulties. Problems then appear bigger than our ability to cope with them.

Applying emotional intelligence is about giving the right conditions for everything within us to be heard and acknowledged. This frees our emotions so that they can transform into healthly energy, bringing with them their own unique wisdom about where we are and what we need now. If we can hear their messages, exiled parts have tremendous power to contribute.